| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed and incredibly alone |
] |
I picked you out when you were four weeks old. I remember seeing you standing alone by the fence, looking so pitiful. I’ve always been a sucker for loners. I had just turned seven years old, I had been aching for a puppy for ages. I didn’t know that you would become my best friend.
At that point in my life, I just thought doggies were cute. I didn’t understand how special they really are. I didn’t understand how needed they made you feel. They were just cute. That’s all. Cute.
We came back when you were six weeks old. I remember (and even have it on tape) that we came to get you a day early. It was really a special moment for me. The breeder brought you to my arms. You were so tiny, so young, so fragile. I held you so carefully, so not to hurt you in any way. I had been told that puppies can be very sensitive...
We took you home and all you wanted to do was sleep. I remember crying a lot because all I wanted to do was play with you. And when you were up, all you wanted to do was chew the furniture. Oh what a hassle you were in the early years. I remember the yelling and screaming at you...I couldn’t participate. I couldn’t be around when someone was yelling at you. So I’d take you outside at the old house and swing with you. Do you remember the swing set? I remember sitting on the swing with you at twilight, watching the stars come out.
And then we grew even more inseparable as the years went on. I didn’t like going on vacation because we would have to take you to the kennel for boarding. I used to cry pulling out of the driveway because I could hear you howling. Oh, that beagle howl...I will never forget that sound. And you were addicted to food...not dog food, but the people food and dog treats got so out of hand at times. You were the biggest beggar. I never thought I would look back on it and think of how sweet you looked when you wanted a treat.
Then you started to get old. But you remained so perky, so playful. You still loved your walks, even though I didn’t take you on enough of them. I couldn’t ever imagine not having you around to come comfort me when I fought with a boyfriend, got made fun of at school, or just felt depressed and lonely. You were truly my best friend. You gave a whole new meaning to the term “unconditional love”.
Then you got really sick. And got really sad. I knew you were hanging on because you loved me. We could have put you through multiple surgeries to fix your kidneys, liver, gallbladder, and vertebrae. I didn’t want to do that to you. So we put you on antibiotics. You started to perk up for about a day...and you still wanted people food.
And then you didn’t even want people food anymore. You got nauseas every time you ate. I tried to get you to take your pills but you couldn’t.
So today we had to say goodbye. I will never forget how you looked at me the second before you left me. I wish I could hold you some more, I wish you would crawl under my covers with me tonight and kick me off the bed and snore in my ear. I wish you would steal my bagel and bark at the kids going to school. I hope you can do all of those things where you are now, and I hope you think of me. I know I will see you again someday, whether it be in this life or another...but you will always be my dog. I will never stop loving you, and I will never forget about all of our time together. I’ll miss you, Jumper.
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
melancholy
okay
enthralled
ecstatic